29 September 2013

Dear God, are You there? It's me, the one with all the problems...

Dear God,
Can we talk? I'm a better writer than I am a talker, so I hope You read blogs.

As You are well aware, my entire life has fallen into total disrepair. I'm not in a gutter with a needle in my arm, and I haven't been molested by any transvestites. For this, oh Lord, I thank you.

But still. Seriously. It's bad. It's I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-going-to-do bad. It has been this bad before, but I was much younger then and I was more resilient and there was a sort of (messed-up) romance about it. This is way more than I can handle. My mother always said You'd never give me more than I can handle, but I've now come to the realization that this is just something people say to make you feel better and not at all the truth.

You're always giving people more than they can handle.
Or You allow it, anyway.
You let us hit bottom so that you can pull us up to heights higher than the Rocky Mountains.

If You could, like, grab my arm now, that would be great. The word here is "dire," God. As in, I am in dire straits. Emotionally and financially. I'd like to sneak onto a train and wherever it stops is where I start over, just me and my husband.

You seem to really like to use us as examples of how you pull people out of the swamp just seconds before a crocodile snaps us in two. It's all for Your glory, Jesus, but no more swamps, please. Just dry land and some time to catch our breath.

I've wondered if maybe we're cursed, Lord. I've been assured by faithful friends that You don't work that we. Satan has no hold on us. We belong to You. It's up to me to react to my problems in a way that glorifies You, but I'm getting too tired to react at all.

We need a solution. Not just a quick fix, but a SOLUTION. And we need it NOW. I still believe in You because You bless me when I don't deserve it. I don't deserve Your blessings now, either, but I'm begging You for them. Lift us up and OUT.

Help me to turn to You and not other things - things that destroy me - while I wait.

In Jesus' name,


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